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Both of those colorful expressions are Romanized versions of lines from one of my absolute favorite British comedy teevee series: *Steptoe and Son*. For your edification and amusement, here are the original expressions for... (well, you know):

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"Shake hands with the wife's best friend."
"Point Percy at the porcelain."

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And now, just for fun, I'm going to translate each of those above expresssions using AltaVista's amaaaaaaaazing Babel Fish! (Followed by Rinkworks amaaaaaaazing Dialectizer!)

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In French:
"Secouez les mains avec la meilleure amie de l'épouse."
"Dirigez Percy à la porcelaine."

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In German:
"Rütteln Sie Hände mit dem besten Freund der Frau."
"Zeigen Sie Percy auf das Porzellan."

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In Italian:
"Agitare le mani con l'amico migliore della moglie."
"Indicare Percy alla porcellana."

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In Portugeuse:
"Agite as mãos com o mais melhor amigo da esposa."
"Aponte Percy na porcelana."

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In Spanish:
"Sacudara las manos con el mejor amigo de la esposa."
"Señale a Percy en la porcelana."

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In Redneck:
"Shake han's wif th' wife's bess friend, cuss it all t' tarnation."
"Point Percy at th' po'celain, as enny fool kin plainly see."

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In Jive:
"Shake hands wid de mama's best homey."
"Point Percy at da damn po'celain. 'S coo', bro."

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In Cockney:
"Shake 'ands wiv the bleedin' ole lady's Mae West china."
"Point Percy at the porcelain."

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In Elmer Fudd:
"Shake hands wif the wife's best fwiend."
"Point Pewcy at the powcewain, uh-hah-hah-hah."

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In Swedish Chef:
"Sheke-a hunds veet zee veeffe's best freeend. Bork bork bork!"
"Pueent Percy et zee purceleeen. Bork bork bork!"

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In Moron:
"Shake hands wid the, uh, the wife's best friend."
"Poit Pehcy at de porcelain."

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In Pig Latin:
"Akeshay andshay ithway ethay ife'sway estbay iendfray."
"Ointpay Ercypay atyay ethay orcelainpay."

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In Hacker:
shakje hAnds with teh wife's best d3wd!!!!!!!!!!!!!1~~~~ you suX0r cause u r lame!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!~~~ ' pount paRcy 4t the procelain.. lolloolololololoo~~

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-- Nanaea