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Help[Opinions] Although I will say this from experience
in reply to a message by vigdis
It's really not that easy to decide to go by a pseudonym or nickname. You have to be very determined.
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Well, okay, I'll rephrase - if she hated it that much, she'd be very determined.
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lol.
It took me until I was in my 20s to finally get people to call me something other than my given name. Everyone I know who has tried to go by a different name or change their name ha a hard road to go - names are part of a person's identity. A lot of people who don't like their names put up with them just because it's easier than insisting on a nickname or what-not.
It took me until I was in my 20s to finally get people to call me something other than my given name. Everyone I know who has tried to go by a different name or change their name ha a hard road to go - names are part of a person's identity. A lot of people who don't like their names put up with them just because it's easier than insisting on a nickname or what-not.
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Yeah but you did it.
And also, being that she's in college, she could've changed it a lot more easily when she moved here.
Plus, as it was a mass introduction it would've been very easy to just introduce herself by a nickname / different name.
I'm sure it's hard, and I'm not denying it, but I also think if she really hated her name, I mean really hated it, she'd make it work. That's my point.
And also, being that she's in college, she could've changed it a lot more easily when she moved here.
Plus, as it was a mass introduction it would've been very easy to just introduce herself by a nickname / different name.
I'm sure it's hard, and I'm not denying it, but I also think if she really hated her name, I mean really hated it, she'd make it work. That's my point.
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Hmm...
I've had a friend since I was five who was called Tootie until she was about 14. Then one day, she up and decided to use her real name, Laura Leigh. It took a few months of accidentally saying Tootie and correcting ourselves, but now we all barely remember her as Tootie. I don't think it was particularly hard for her.
I might adopt Midnightblue as a new nickname. It's really cool for a nickname.
I've had a friend since I was five who was called Tootie until she was about 14. Then one day, she up and decided to use her real name, Laura Leigh. It took a few months of accidentally saying Tootie and correcting ourselves, but now we all barely remember her as Tootie. I don't think it was particularly hard for her.
I might adopt Midnightblue as a new nickname. It's really cool for a nickname.
This message was edited 10/18/2010, 11:05 AM
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as someone who has had to do this
It can be a bit of a struggle, but it's not insurmountable. I suppose the older one gets, the more entrenched the name is, but I changed my name fairly late (25) and by 27 I am pretty well called only exclusively by my new name. Even the people who swore they'd NEVER use my new name use it because that's what everyone else does.
I sometimes wonder though if trying to use a different nickname would have been harder than asking to go by a new name altogether. Somehow I imagine people would brush you off a lot more, thinking its a phase or something.
It can be a bit of a struggle, but it's not insurmountable. I suppose the older one gets, the more entrenched the name is, but I changed my name fairly late (25) and by 27 I am pretty well called only exclusively by my new name. Even the people who swore they'd NEVER use my new name use it because that's what everyone else does.
I sometimes wonder though if trying to use a different nickname would have been harder than asking to go by a new name altogether. Somehow I imagine people would brush you off a lot more, thinking its a phase or something.
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I agree with you completely. It can be done.
I changed my name later than you did. It's been over 7 years and 99% of people who knew me before call me Elena now. It's a matter of respect, imo. If it makes a person happy and if you care for them, all it takes is a sincere effort. With time, it CAN be done. You and I are living proof of this.
OT, my dh and I know a man from church named Horst. He's in his mid 60s, I'd say. Horst and his family moved to the US from Germany when he was 10. His younger brother, Friedrich, hated his name in this country so he ended up being called Zeke for most of his young life until early to mid adulthood. Frankly, I don't know how his friends (who began this) derived Zeke from Friedrich. Anyway, Friedrich / Zeke finally made a legal name change to Eric in his 30s and he's been Eric ever since. I'd say he's in his late 50s now. Can you imagine Eric's family getting used to three names? But according to Horst, they all took it in stride. No biggie. And btw, it was this story and Horst's attitude that helped me realize that life was short and that I should finally change the name that I had hated from the time I was seven years old (I had thought about changing my name for most of my life).
I changed my name later than you did. It's been over 7 years and 99% of people who knew me before call me Elena now. It's a matter of respect, imo. If it makes a person happy and if you care for them, all it takes is a sincere effort. With time, it CAN be done. You and I are living proof of this.
OT, my dh and I know a man from church named Horst. He's in his mid 60s, I'd say. Horst and his family moved to the US from Germany when he was 10. His younger brother, Friedrich, hated his name in this country so he ended up being called Zeke for most of his young life until early to mid adulthood. Frankly, I don't know how his friends (who began this) derived Zeke from Friedrich. Anyway, Friedrich / Zeke finally made a legal name change to Eric in his 30s and he's been Eric ever since. I'd say he's in his late 50s now. Can you imagine Eric's family getting used to three names? But according to Horst, they all took it in stride. No biggie. And btw, it was this story and Horst's attitude that helped me realize that life was short and that I should finally change the name that I had hated from the time I was seven years old (I had thought about changing my name for most of my life).
This message was edited 10/18/2010, 3:45 PM
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I think so. And yah, it's not insurmountable.
The funniest thing is that my brother still calls me by my middle name, rather than my first. (I went back to my first because I have a sister-in-law named Elizabeth.) The nickname thing is harder, I think - unless you really, really insist on it.
But the thing is: You have to insist on it, and some people aren't able to. I babysat for a woman who converted to Judaism and changed her name to Ruth - no one ever called her it. She was just Joy.
The funniest thing is that my brother still calls me by my middle name, rather than my first. (I went back to my first because I have a sister-in-law named Elizabeth.) The nickname thing is harder, I think - unless you really, really insist on it.
But the thing is: You have to insist on it, and some people aren't able to. I babysat for a woman who converted to Judaism and changed her name to Ruth - no one ever called her it. She was just Joy.
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My husband change his nickname at about the age of fourteen, upon entering high school. It was the best time to do it, since he was entering a new, much larger school where he would be meeting a lot of new people. Overall, the change took. By the time I met him, when he was twenty, all of his college friends used his new nickname, once my family got to know him, they all used his new nickname, when he started his career, everyone he knew through work used it, and basically all new friends he met after the age of fourteen used it.
There were a few holdouts. His parents, brother, and sister persisted in using the old one, as did those friends he had made before he decided to change it. Those were his oldest, closest friends, the ones who persisted through life. The other person who used his old nickname was myself---I didn't like his new one, and to me it never seemed to fit him...for the first few months I knew him, I didn't call him anything, and when I met his family and heard them call him his old one, I immediately started calling him by that, also. He didn't mind me doing it---he actually rather liked *me* doing it, but he didn't want to hear from it anyone else, though he tolerated it from his family and oldest friends.
The old nickname was Jamie and the new one was Jim.
There were a few holdouts. His parents, brother, and sister persisted in using the old one, as did those friends he had made before he decided to change it. Those were his oldest, closest friends, the ones who persisted through life. The other person who used his old nickname was myself---I didn't like his new one, and to me it never seemed to fit him...for the first few months I knew him, I didn't call him anything, and when I met his family and heard them call him his old one, I immediately started calling him by that, also. He didn't mind me doing it---he actually rather liked *me* doing it, but he didn't want to hear from it anyone else, though he tolerated it from his family and oldest friends.
The old nickname was Jamie and the new one was Jim.
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