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I don't think it would be too difficult to insist on Tobias and not Toby. Of course, when your son grows up, there's the possibility that he may LIKE Toby, and request that his friends call him that... so you run that risk by using the name.

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The Ronnie dilemma can easily be avoided by using another nickname - Vera or Nic/Nikki would be my suggestions. The inherent problem with Veronica is that it is so long that people want to use a shorter form at least some of the time. If your daughter went by Veronica, and sometimes Nic, no one would call her Ronnie.