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Help[Opinions] Dating People With Family Names
I have a question for you.
Let’s say, hypothetically, you’re getting close to this person, male or female, things are getting good or whatever, but surprise! - They have the same name as a close family member.
And by close family member, I mean siblings, parents, or really any family members you’re close with.
What would you do? Would you suck it up for the sake of love? Would you at least suggest they go by a nickname? Does it depend on the name itself or bearer? Have you actually been in a situation like this before?
It kinda reminds me of Paul McCartney and his daughter Heather. Years after her mother died, he ended up marrying a women named Heather Mills.
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"It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves." - William Shakespeare
Let’s say, hypothetically, you’re getting close to this person, male or female, things are getting good or whatever, but surprise! - They have the same name as a close family member.
And by close family member, I mean siblings, parents, or really any family members you’re close with.
What would you do? Would you suck it up for the sake of love? Would you at least suggest they go by a nickname? Does it depend on the name itself or bearer? Have you actually been in a situation like this before?
It kinda reminds me of Paul McCartney and his daughter Heather. Years after her mother died, he ended up marrying a women named Heather Mills.
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Archived Thread - replies disabled
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Replies
I think this depends on the name, and obviously the person wouldn't just let me rename them if they already had a nickname they liked or a full name they only liked without the nickname, but I'd definitely try to avoid calling them by the same thing that the family member goes by.
My family members names are:
Theresa (Terri) - if I dated a Theresa I'd want to call her by the full name Theresa
Robert (Bob) - if I dated a Robert I'd want to call him Robert or Rob, maybe Robin. Any Robert who goes by Bob is too old for me anyway.
Jade (no nickname) - if I dated a Jade I'd want to call her Jadie
I could also distinguish them by calling them "firstname-middlename" or "firstname-middle initial" but that's still basically a long nickname.
My family members names are:
Theresa (Terri) - if I dated a Theresa I'd want to call her by the full name Theresa
Robert (Bob) - if I dated a Robert I'd want to call him Robert or Rob, maybe Robin. Any Robert who goes by Bob is too old for me anyway.
Jade (no nickname) - if I dated a Jade I'd want to call her Jadie
I could also distinguish them by calling them "firstname-middlename" or "firstname-middle initial" but that's still basically a long nickname.
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"Would you suck it up for the sake of love?"
Lol, I don't think it's that big of a deal. I don't have trouble recognizing people are individuals just because they share a name. If I were confusing an SO for a parent or sibling, their name would be the least of my problems.
My uncle dated someone who had the same name as my mom for about a decade, and my BIL's name rhymes with my dad's. Nobody really cares.
Lol, I don't think it's that big of a deal. I don't have trouble recognizing people are individuals just because they share a name. If I were confusing an SO for a parent or sibling, their name would be the least of my problems.
My uncle dated someone who had the same name as my mom for about a decade, and my BIL's name rhymes with my dad's. Nobody really cares.
This message was edited 11/14/2021, 8:50 PM
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I don't see how it would be a surprise lol, but I would definitely give them a nickname if it was like my parents or sister's name. Anyone else wouldn't be a big deal.
That's kinda the situation my cousin is in; he has been dating a girl named Tiffany, the same as his young niece. But everyone calls the niece Tini, so I guess it's not that awkward.
That's kinda the situation my cousin is in; he has been dating a girl named Tiffany, the same as his young niece. But everyone calls the niece Tini, so I guess it's not that awkward.
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I don't see the issue really. I wouldn't make anyone go by a nickname.
The only awkwardness I can see happening around this is dating (fixtional situation here) Dennis, while my dad's name is also Dennis, then having a horrible break-up. Then with a new husband getting a son whom I'd like to give a middle name honouring my dad. In that case I'd probably use my dad's middle name over his first name because of the ex called Dennis.
The only awkwardness I can see happening around this is dating (fixtional situation here) Dennis, while my dad's name is also Dennis, then having a horrible break-up. Then with a new husband getting a son whom I'd like to give a middle name honouring my dad. In that case I'd probably use my dad's middle name over his first name because of the ex called Dennis.
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It would be a really odd deal breaker, especially if it’s a common name and the likelihood of meeting different people with the name is high. Expecting the person to use a nickname would be odd too.
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In today's (English-speaking) world it won't happen often at all, as there are so many more names in circulation now than ever before. So perhaps it might be slightly surprising, but surely also fun? Unless it's a truly awful flash-in-the-pan name.
Go back a hundred years, or even fifty, and it becomes highly likely that most members of most families will have very familiar names, perhaps even identical with those in your own family. And rather than let it bother you, you'd have been more likely to say "Oh, that's my sister's name! And your brother is Michael - really? Just like my cousin!" It sounds more like instant friendship than a problem.
Go back a hundred years, or even fifty, and it becomes highly likely that most members of most families will have very familiar names, perhaps even identical with those in your own family. And rather than let it bother you, you'd have been more likely to say "Oh, that's my sister's name! And your brother is Michael - really? Just like my cousin!" It sounds more like instant friendship than a problem.
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I would roll with it. Most people in my family have a classic name and repeats are common so it's not unusual.
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I've dated a guy with the same name as my brother before, and my wife's full name is only one letter different from the former name of one of my siblings.
I think that if you're asking yourself whether a family name is a dealbreaker, then you're not really into that person enough and should either keep it casual or break it off.
I think that if you're asking yourself whether a family name is a dealbreaker, then you're not really into that person enough and should either keep it casual or break it off.
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Well, I imagine I'd know that other person's name right from the get-go, before I started getting close with him; I sure wouldn't not get close to him because his name is the same as my brother or favorite uncle or whatever. Likely that topic would come up right away, be remarked on/laughed over, and then we move on. If he already went by a nn, great, but I really don't think it's my place to suggest he pick a nn to go by; if one developed over time, fine.
I have a friend who's been married twice. Her first husband was named Bill and they were divorced in the late eighties. She's been married to her second husband for 25 years. His name is also Bill.
We all tease her about being a Bill collector.
I have a friend who's been married twice. Her first husband was named Bill and they were divorced in the late eighties. She's been married to her second husband for 25 years. His name is also Bill.
We all tease her about being a Bill collector.
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Paying Bills lol.
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Well, I have the same name as my husband's grandmother. He never asked to call me by a nickname or anything, so I don't think it's ever bothered him. And he was close to her and saw her a lot when he was growing up. Maybe it's because she was "Grandma" and not "My Name".
This message was edited 11/15/2021, 7:36 AM
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Wouldn't let it get to me.
I know a lot within my own family - my aunt married a man with the same name as her brother, and one of my cousins married a man of that name as well. One cousin's wife has the same name as his sister, though they use different nicknames. Another's husband shares a name with another cousin. (I have a lot of cousins, amd we're a tight knit group.) And my sister's fiance has the same name as my grandpa.
It just happens sometimes.
I know a lot within my own family - my aunt married a man with the same name as her brother, and one of my cousins married a man of that name as well. One cousin's wife has the same name as his sister, though they use different nicknames. Another's husband shares a name with another cousin. (I have a lot of cousins, amd we're a tight knit group.) And my sister's fiance has the same name as my grandpa.
It just happens sometimes.
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This is not a hypothetical for me - my fiancé and my brother have the same name. (This name is also shared by my uncle and cousin - my aunt married someone with that name, and their son is a junior. This happened when my brother was in his 20s.) I've known my fiancé for almost 20 years now, so I've just kind of gotten over it, I guess. There's not really a great nickname for it, and mostly I just call my fiancé "babe" anyway, so it doesn't really matter.
It mostly can just get confusing when I'm talking to like, my mom. We've taken to referring to them as "my [name]" and "your [name]" to differentiate. (We have also been doing this for about 20 years, though with much more frequency since my fiancé and I started dating a few years ago.)
It mostly can just get confusing when I'm talking to like, my mom. We've taken to referring to them as "my [name]" and "your [name]" to differentiate. (We have also been doing this for about 20 years, though with much more frequency since my fiancé and I started dating a few years ago.)
This message was edited 11/15/2021, 8:56 AM
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I'm not really sure I would care. I think its kind of mean to make your grownup partner go by another name. Children, usually, already have affectionate nicknames. So if your spouse and your child share a name, then I would call the child something else. Or, I would look directly at the Heather that I was speaking to. If I'm talking about her, I'll say My Daughter Heather.
If you have an Aunt Heather, then you call her Aunt Heather. A cousin? Then you call her Cuz or Cousin Heather. It doesn't seem that complicated to me, especially if you consider the fact that MANY children are named after a parent, grandparent, great-grandparent, so on and so forth. Families have managed this for years. Nothing new really. But its definitely a good question. If you're serious about somebody, then you shouldn't really care. Some people are more anal about it.
If you have an Aunt Heather, then you call her Aunt Heather. A cousin? Then you call her Cuz or Cousin Heather. It doesn't seem that complicated to me, especially if you consider the fact that MANY children are named after a parent, grandparent, great-grandparent, so on and so forth. Families have managed this for years. Nothing new really. But its definitely a good question. If you're serious about somebody, then you shouldn't really care. Some people are more anal about it.
This message was edited 11/15/2021, 9:11 AM
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My niece is named Ashleigh and my nephew's wife is named Ashley. When one is writing about them the spelling differentiates, but in speaking it can be confusing and the family tends to add the middle name (Ashleigh Marie, Ashley Suzanne) to make who one is talking about clear. Ashley is so common in the USA in that generation of young women that no one in the family has ever thought this was "weird" in any way.
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I think it is a very silly thing to let get in the way of love. My father is a Michael but it's such a common male name that I would think it ridiculous for me and my younger sister to not date a Mike just because of their name. Like a "picking at straws" situation. My stepbrother just married a woman with the same name as his sister recently and no one finds it weird just slightly confusing.
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My sil has almost the same name, just a variation, and spelling difference. It doesn't matter, I wouldn't let it stop you
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My family is so large, and our names are so common, that it would seriously deplete the dating pool if I worried about that � I'd just have to hope I really like their middle name / nickname, and they are OK being called that.
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It doesn’t bother me at all. In high school I dated a William even though both my grandfather and my favorite uncle were Williams.
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How would it be a surprise? Are you falling in love on a game and only know the person's character's name and then only after you catch feelings you find out they have the same name as a relative?
Personally, I guess I unconsciously weeded out those with the same name as a family member, when I was dating. One time I did go out with someone who had the same name as my grandpa and uncle ...but it was a different spelling. Also I never called my grandpa by his name, and my uncle died when I was young, so it wasn't a real issue I guess.
In the situation you're describing, I wouldn't worry about it too much. You can try to use a unique nickname, sure, but if you really like the person, eventually their name will belong to "them" and not remind you of the family member as much. It probably just feels weird at first.
Personally, I guess I unconsciously weeded out those with the same name as a family member, when I was dating. One time I did go out with someone who had the same name as my grandpa and uncle ...but it was a different spelling. Also I never called my grandpa by his name, and my uncle died when I was young, so it wasn't a real issue I guess.
In the situation you're describing, I wouldn't worry about it too much. You can try to use a unique nickname, sure, but if you really like the person, eventually their name will belong to "them" and not remind you of the family member as much. It probably just feels weird at first.
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